Dating Advice

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Barriers to Love that Smart Women Unknowingly Create

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There are so many smart, ambitious, lovely, single females out there, who can’t find a partner despite their best efforts. Why is that? Many women will argue that men aren’t interested in having an intelligent, career-drive woman on their arm, because they feel threatened, or because it would be easier for them to settle for an obedient one. While this may be true, studies have shown that modern, educated individuals are extremely attracted to smart women. These men aren’t interested only in physical appearance. They crave intellectual engagement, interesting conversations and powerful bonds forged through mutual respect.

This can only mean one thing: smart women are sabotaging their relationships without knowing it. I am surrounded by incredible ladies who are still single, but after having taken a closer look at their past relationships I could only find one common factor: themselves. Instead of analysing what went wrong, they would immediately catalogue their ex-partners as ‘losers’. So instead of talking about how society is doing you wrong, I would like to share useful advice that will help you look at relationships differently and break down the barriers that you are unknowingly creating.

1. You Never Truly Believed that you are Beautiful

This is an age-old problem that most women face. For an unknown reason, women will believe any negative comment addressed to them, but never a positive one. So despite the fact those close to them will remind them time and time again that they are beautiful, they are forever haunted by the idea that they aren’t ‘good enough’.

  • ‘How can he say I’m beautiful when I have cellulite?’
  • ‘My nose is crooked’
  • ‘My thighs are too big’
  • ‘I’m not perfect, how can I be beautiful?’

The insatiable desire to become perfect – amplified to the verge of insanity in the case of ambitious women-, while also knowing that this is impossible, gave birth to an incredibly dangerous monster: insecurity. This monster feeds on the images of airbrushed models, Cosmopolitan cover girls, and unattainable beauty standards set by society. This damaging mentality makes women downplay their worth and settle for unfulfilling relationships.

How to fix this: The first thing you need to understand is that men are also battling insecurities, and that the terms beauty and imperfect aren’t mutually exclusive. Furthermore, you should stop comparing yourself to other women.

“Another woman’s beauty is not the absence of your own.”

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

If all women had the same type of beauty, would it still be called beauty? Just as we are attracted by different features in men, so are they fascinated with the various ‘imperfections’ that make up our being.

Smart women are also insecure when it comes to physical appearance, but they wear their intelligence as armour – thus, another wall is built. If you want to find love, you must first learn to love every fibre of your being (with all its scars and imperfections).

2. You Need to Stop Overthinking

All women are masters of overanalysing, but smart women have that extra brainpower that enables them to twist themselves into millions of little knots of doubt. Details that are screamingly obvious to you, will, more often than not, blow past your man like a Frisbee in a hurricane.

How to fix it: I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with analysing your romantic encounters, but drawing conclusions based on limited data or subtle hints, especially if you have a creative mind, can be very damaging to your relationship. Men may be superficial when it comes to physical appearance, but in all other aspects they are serious, so you should try to take them by their word instead of playing detective.

3. He’s Your Lover, not Your Rival

Intelligent women are, naturally, attracted to intelligent men. They want to engage in stimulating conversations, drink fine wines, and learn new things. Needless to say, men that she considers less intelligent will bore her to tears. However, once she begins a relationship with Mister Smarty-pants, the whole thing transforms into a competition. Before you know it, the one thing that made Mister Smarty-pants so attractive to her is causing a great deal of tension.

How to fix it: What smart women should understand is that love isn’t a contest, and intelligence isn’t the only redeeming quality of a man. Learn to appreciate Mister Smarty-pants for everything he has to offer and celebrate all the things you can learn from one-another.

4. Love Isn’t a Top Priority for You

Hell, it might not even be in your top 3. The idea of having a partner sounds charming, but there’s always a project or paper that needs to be completed before you can think about it. Love should never be an afterthought. Dating and romance require a great deal of effort and time, and anyone who has a meaningful relationship will tell you that it should be the most important part of your life.

How to fix it: You can’t expect prince charming to dash into your life and say ‘Oh, I found you!”, and even if this happens, you will never truly appreciate him unless you go through the trials and tribulations of unfulfilled relationships. Smart guys will immediately know where on your priority list they are, and they will NOT settle.

5. Don’t Underplay your Feminine Charms

Just because you’re smart doesn’t mean that you can’t be feminine. Men gravitate towards feminine behaviour or features (examples: your long hair, the nape of your neck, your sexuality, feminine curves, big eyes etc.). Take pleasure in your body and in everything that you do with it.

Also, you might not enjoy asking a man for help, but the need to protect is so deeply engrained into his being that he will feel completely useless if he believes that you don’t need him. He is fully aware that you are capable of running your own company or performing open heart surgery, but let him be the one to open doors for you, or give you massages. Be receptive, joyful, and compassionate. Love is a two-way street.

Emotional walls come from a legitimate place. They represent the sum of emotions and experiences that define our existence, and it can be very difficult to overcome them or to learn new ways. Give yourself time to change.

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