Dating Advice

Written by Australia's best dating coaches

Are you dating Pinocchio?

Written by
Sylwia Koricka
Dating a lier

Dating a liar is definitely one of the worst experiences you may encounter in your search for a meaningful relationship. Because it is so hard to tell whether a person is lying or not you may fall for an idealized version of whomever you were unfortunate enough to meet. Also, because it takes so much time to uncover the lies it robs you of your precious time you could have spent with a person worthy of your company.

If you ever been lied to and had no clue, don’t be too harsh on yourself; even trained investigators cannot always tell whether a person is lying, with 30% of the time being fooled by the deceiver. What is more, it is proven that people who lie often are much better in detecting deceptive cues. Therefore, don’t think of yourself as a blind or a naive person; you most probably are just too honest to expect deception from others and not experienced enough in detecting it.

To avoid future heartache we present you with a list of red flags you should be aware of when dating someone you haven’t had the chance to fully get to know. Large body of research in psychology has found that there are few nonverbal signals of dishonesty, such as:

  1. Too many oh and ahs

Honesty may sometimes be difficult emotionally, but dishonesty is definitely difficult cognitively; liars need more time to construct a convincing story, so they speak slowly and may try to buy their time with interjection of verbal distortions, such as oh or ah. Yet, if this is the only sign you discover, keep in mind that it may also be a signal of nervousness associated with first dates.

  1. Sitting stiffly

Have you ever noticed how people can suddenly freeze when trying to resolve complex issue, solve a math problem or remember where they had left their keys? Because liars have to focus so much on what they are saying they will display similar behaviour allowing you to notice that he/she is focusing a bit too much on conversation that is supposed to be casual and fun.

  1. Higher pitched voice

Psychologists associate raising pitch of your voice with nervousness. Of course, everyone may get anxious when asked about a sensitive topic, however if you suddenly hear your partner changing his voice when telling you what he had done the night before, it may be a sign of him lying.

  1. Too excited

We are not talking about butterflies in stomach that come with a big smile and sparkly eyes… Arousal that should raise your suspicions comes out of fear reflected in physiological cues, such as higher blood pressure, increased heart rate and respiration. Nobody wants to be caught lying that’s why liars are self-aware which may cause them to feel anxious. In the beginning of dating, when you keep physical distance, these cues are difficult to spot, however it is worth remembering them for the later stages of your relationship.

Both men and women alike may lie about themselves to seem more appealing to their date. This may seem innocent at first, yet the more people date and discover what is desirable, the more may they alter how they represent themselves to others and how comfortable with these misrepresentations they will be. The longer history of distorting the truth your partner has, the more difficult it is find out who are you truly dealing with. Yet, keep in mind that pathological liars are an exception to the rule, so don’t use this information to eliminate any prospective partner only because he/she was nervous! These tips on detecting dishonesty may help you understand how a liar’s mind works which will improve your lie detection abilities and protect you from getting involved with someone who doesn’t deserve your trust.

Author: Sylwia Koricka

Master of Science (M.S.), Neuroscience, economics, business | University of Utrecht 2012 - 2015 Masters in Neuroscience with minor in business fundamentals Bachelor of Arts (B.A.), Social Sciences (Psychology, Criminology, Law) | University College Utrecht, Utrecht University 2007 - 2010 University of Liberal Arts and Sciences

Categories Dating Help Guides, Lifestlye, Online DatingTags ,

6 thoughts on “Are you dating Pinocchio?”

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