The devastating pain of a failed relationship is, without a doubt, one of the greatest suffering that your heart will ever have to bear. There’s nothing pleasant or comforting in having to break up with someone. The entire ordeal is even worse if you’re the one getting dumped. But despite the mind-numbing pain, there is a bitter-sweet happiness in breaking up: the fact that you were able to feel so intensely about someone.
As someone once said, ‘to really live is to die’, and when all is said and done, you have to pick up the pieces of your broken heart and move on with your life. The following tips will help you break up with heartbreak once and for all, and prepare for the next relationship.
1. Embrace the Pain
If you love enough, you will suffer. This is the unavoidable truth. Nobody will be able to understand or alleviate your pain. When you lose someone dear it’s important that you feel bad about it, as it is an essential step to healing. There’s nothing wrong in crying.
As a matter of fact, very few people can get over a break-up without shedding tears, and bottling up your feelings will only make things more difficult. Give yourself time, but be careful to not get trapped in the vicious cycle of painful memories. If you do, you must break it. This leads us to advice number 2.
2. Make a Change (Or Several Changes)
The memories of your past relationship are haunting your present. Your unconscious mind triggers pain every time you relive something from your relationship (example: hearing your favourite tune on the radio might remind you of him/her). In order to break this pattern you have to sever these connections. Take up a new hobby. Change your playlist. Move furniture around the house. These changes don’t have to be major or permanent. They’re meant to help you get over your pain.
3. Change your Mindset
If you’re finding it excruciatingly difficult to get over someone you might have to change your mindset. In other words, you have to change your definition of heartbreak. If it is making you feel lonely and hopeless, redefine your personal beliefs. Instead of viewing it as ‘the end of happiness’, think about it as an opportunity of finding someone more suitable for you, or becoming a better person. Being able to see your situation with a different frame will give you an incredible sense of freedom.
4. Fall out of Love & Stop Blaming Yourself
The fact that you are heartbroken means that you are still in love. To complete the healing process you have to detach yourself from your ex. You can fall out of love with a person by visualizing your bad experiences with him/her. Try to remember all the details of your happiest romantic experiences and look at them objectively.
It takes to people to break up, so stop blaming yourself for all the little things that went wrong. Where you so blinded by love that you didn’t notice ‘the bad’? Concentrate on this exercise methodically, and before you know it, your feelings of love, yearning and regret will be erased.
5. Understand that you Will Find Love Again
Many people believe that their ex is the only person they will ever love, or who could ever love them. Considering that there are over six billion people on the planet, this is highly unlikely. One of the best ways to break up with heartbreak is by visualizing a brighter tomorrow. Your new habits and a positive mindset will help you open the door to a new love.
As I final note, I would like to say that I don’t believe in such a thing as a ‘better half’. We are not halves to begin with. Every person is a unique and fascinating entity, and losing someone cannot change that. Positive reinforcement, self-love and self-acceptance are vital on your road to recovery.