Dating Advice

Written by Australia's best dating coaches

Being Active Makes You are More Desirable!

By Liya P

It’s proven that exercise can have play an important role in your love life

Being active, in all aspects of life, has undeniable benefits for your wellbeing, happiness and attractiveness factor. As important as it is to be socially active and engaged at work/school, physical activity has some astounding benefits. If you incorporate exercise into your daily routine, even if it is moderate, you will soon find that your confidence has sky-rocketed, you are feeling happier than ever before and are, by far, more attractive (especially to other active singles).

– Your Body

One of the obvious benefits of exercise is how it is able to transform your body! You can enjoy eating your favorite calorie-filled treats and still look sizzling hot with a bit of exercise! Physical activity is not about getting toothpick thin or becoming a weightlifting champion – it is about taking care of yourself and striving to elicit your best features.

When you work out, even if it is only moderately, you gain a better appreciation of your body. After only a few weeks you will be able to feel your muscles tighten and you will find how much more durable you have become. This will inevitably increase your self-esteem as you will experience the pleasure of having obtained a goal. Besides, who doesn’t like seeing their body change for the better? When you start appreciating and liking your own body more, others will be immediately be drawn to you. After all – confidence is one of the most attractive features in both men and women!

– Happiness & Confidence

Everyone knows that working out improves your physical health and makes you look and feel hotter, but perhaps you were unaware of another huge benefit that exercising has. This may surprise you, but physical exercise has the amazing capability of making you happier!

Numerous studies, carried out around the world, have found that exercise can do wonders for your happiness! Physical movement, even if it is moderate or light, can help fight depression and anxiety, as well as act as a prevention technique for mental disorders! Most of us live in a stressed, competitive environment and it is easy to start feeling anxious or blue. Exercise helps prevent that and allows you to reach a healthier, happier place. Wouldn’t you want to date somebody like that?

– The Statistics Say It All!

If you are still not totally convinced, let’s take a look at some statistics! For instance, a recent study on women of various age groups, from young adults to elderly, examined the relationship between exercise and common disorders such as anxiety and depression. The study found that women, who had included frequent moderate exercise in their routine, were less likely to suffer any symptoms of depression or anxiety. What is more, the study found that the difference in happiness and general wellbeing between exercising women and non-exercising women was the staggering 50%! Can you imagine? Something as simple as running a few miles can have such a huge effect on your happiness!

By no means is working out only beneficial to women – men can also gain a lot by becoming more physically active. A recent study looked into the issue of physical exercise, or lack thereof, in the American male population. The study aimed at discovering whether there was any relationship between psychological functions and exercise, when it came to the gentlemen. The researchers found that men who exercised regularly were happier and less likely to become depressed even when faced with highly undesirable events. More specifically, the study discovered that men who engaged in moderate activity were at 28% reduced risk of anxiety and depression, while men who exercised mildly were at a 17% reduced risk. A man with a great body is certainly something wonderful, but a happy, anxiety-free man is even better!

– Why Does Exercise Make You Happier?

But why does that happen? What is the logic behind the way exercising influences happiness so distinctly? After all, few things are able to make you feel happier, healthier and more excited about life in the long-term. Could exercise be the best way to improve your life as a whole? Many researchers in the field of psychology believe so. As it turns out, physical activity lifts your spirits and makes you more attractive to other people because it improves the hormonal balance in your body. A large new study has examined the somewhat controversial topic of the ways in which hormonal balance or imbalance can influence psychological processes in men and women. The study has confirmed that both men and women prone to depression, anxiety and lowered self-esteem lack a sufficient amount of certain hormones in their bodies. These hormones are called endorphins – the famous “feel good hormones”.

In contrast, it has been found that people who engage in regular physical activity have much higher bodily endorphin levels than other people. Endorphins are also partially responsible for the “runner’s high”, as they cause ecstatic emotions, relieve tension and could even cause mild euphoria. So, when you are feeling stressed, or unhappy, one of the best ways to turn things around is by being physically active and allowing endorphins to make a difference in your life!

– So Why Should You Care?

Feeling undesirable can be extremely difficult and trying to figure out what to do in order to change your situation could turn into a real challenge. After all, who wouldn’t want to feel happy, anxiety-free, attractive and fun to be around? You probably can’t think of anyone, can you? Well, neither can we and that is why we have grown so excited with all the amazing benefits of physical activity! Not only does it transform your body, but it also helps fight negative moods and decreases the chances of suffering any mental disorders, such as depression.

Incorporating exercise into your routine may not be easy at first, but the benefits are way worth the effort! Working out is a wonderful way to change your own perception of yourself. Changing from within and reaching a better, happier place will inevitably make you more desirable than you ever thought possible!

 

The Key to Building Self-Confidence

By Liya P

It is common knowledge, or common assumption anyway, that confident people are happier, more successful and better loved. So whenever someone is not doing their best or is undermining their own achievements, it is oh so tempting to say “Just be more confident!” But what does that mean? If you don’t believe in yourself as much as you probably should, can you simply snap your fingers and suddenly equip yourself with that illusive self-confidence? Since you are reading this article, you are probably well aware that it isn’t that easy. Still, understanding confidence will help you achieve a much more grounded perspective and hopefully convince you that high self-esteem is not something you receive, but rather something you need to build for yourself.

What is Confidence?

Basically, self-confidence is the ability to realistically assess your own abilities and strengths, while placing a stronger emphasis on what makes you great, rather than the areas where you might not be perfect. Self-confidence is all about a firm, inner belief that you are worth the love and attention of others, as well as your own, and that you are competent enough to achieve everything you would like. Confident people understand that even if they have not achieved a goal yet, they are able to do so, while people who lack self-confidence may often sabotage themselves because they don’t believe in their own abilities, even when all the resources are readily present. It is very important to remember though that people with low self-esteem are not weaker or less capable than the confident ones. Building upon and improving your self-esteem is completely possible, though it does take effort.

Is Cocky the Same as Confident?

This may come as a shock, but extremely high levels of self-confidence can be just as negative as low self-esteem. Picture confidence like a ball you’ve thrown to the sky – at the beginning, as it leaves your hand, the ball is relatively close to the ground, then, in the middle of its journey, your ball will reach the highest point and finally – it will fall back to the ground. Similarly, very low or very high levels of confidence are equally unsuccessful strategies. While low self-esteem often leads to wasting one’s potential, as well as feelings of misery and loneliness, overconfidence can have other negative repercussions. A study published in the book Judgment Under Uncertainty: Heuristics and Biases demonstrates the negative effects of an inconsistence between what people think they know and what they actually know (1). In such cases, overconfidence often leads to misjudgment and therefore serious mistakes such as medical errors and car crashes. If you give it a minute right now, you would probably be able to come up with your own examples of instances when overconfidence, or cockiness, led to unfortunate events. The important thing to remember here is that while self-confidence is important, it should still be an adequate assessment of one’s abilities.

Can Confidence Make a Real Difference when Dating?

If there is one thing you absolutely need to know about confidence, it is this – people tend to perform based on their own self-perceptions. This may sound mind-boggling, but in reality, you are as good as you believe you are! This is not some impractical mantra you should repeat to yourself to feel better – it is the scientifically proven truth. One of the many studies that have proven this point, has been published in the book Maximum Brainpower: Challenging the Brain for Health and Wisdom (2). A group of soldiers, who had been training for a year, were given one final exam – they had to run 25 miles through the desert, a distance they had all successfully completed before. However, the soldiers were divided into a few groups and given different information. While some were aware of the real distance they were to run, others were told they’d run a bit less and a third group was led to believe that they’d run a lot more. The curious results demonstrate the important of self-belief – the soldiers who knew the real distance, or were given a smaller estimate, finished first. On the other hand, those who thought they’d have to run a lot more, gave up after merely 6 miles – a distance they completed every day! So how can that be applied outside of army life? Well, when you believe in your abilities to complete a task, you will likely do a great job at it. And the opposite – when you don’t believe in yourself you will likely fail even at things you can do well.

It is only natural that self-confidence is an essential part of love and attraction as well. Confident people appear to be more attractive because they experience an overall higher level of happiness. When you are confident and happy, your body is also full of the so-called joy hormones – endorphins. Those influence your radiance, energy level, positivity and openness to others. Self-confidence also changes your posture and body language, making you seem more inviting and appealing to others. A popular study, published in the International Journal of Cosmetic Science, tested out this theory (3). Two groups of men, rated with approximately the same level of attractiveness, were compared. While the first group was asked to use a type of cologne for several days, the second group was not. After a while, both groups were photographed and the images were shown to women, who then rated the men who had used the cologne as much more attractive. Obviously, the women could not differentiate between the body odors of the two groups just by looking at photos, so what happened? The results didn’t have anything to do with the cologne itself but rather with the way in which men’s perception of themselves changed. As the group’s self-confidence increased, so did their attractiveness.

Some Exercises to Build Your Self-Confidence

As you already know, your self-esteem depends on nobody but yourself! Building your confidence may not be easy, since you have formed your self-beliefs over the course of many years, but if you are motivated to do it you will succeed! All you have to do is apply the following confidence-building exercises:

– Positive Self-Talk: As you get up in the morning, smile in the mirror and praise everything that you like about your personality and appearance. Elicit even the tiniest details and repeat throughout the day. This may seem a bit silly at first, but it can do wonders for your confidence! A study, published in the journal Psychology of Sport and Exercise compared two groups of tennis players – one that had engaged in positive self-talk and one that had not (4). After a while, the first group showed a significant improvement in performance and decrease in anxiety.

– Exercise: As you already know, happiness and confidence are closely related to the body synthesis of endorphins (the joy hormones). Endorphins are released during physical exercise and so working out can build your confidence both by improving your body image and your happiness levels.

– Enjoy Every Win: It is common among Olympic athletes to train in a way that builds confidence – they celebrate every success, no matter how small, so that they can accumulate the necessary self-esteem to win the gold. You can apply this to your own life – find the small wins and enjoy them!

– Respect Your Self-Image: A study from the Journal of Applied Social Psychology demonstrates what you may already know – people’s self-perceptions are influence by their own clothing (5). Dressing in a way that makes you feel happy and confident, will make a difference!

So have you figured out the key to building confidence? You are it! Higher self-esteem can positively influence all aspects of your life, but only after you have made the conscious decision of working towards that goal.

May you have greater dating success!

 

(1) Judgment Under Uncertainty : Heuristics and Biases. Kahneman, D., Slovic, P., Tversky, A. Cambridge University Press, Apr. 30, 1982.

(2) Maximum Brainpower: Challenging the Brain for Health and Wisdom. Breznitz, S., Hemingway, C. June 26, 2012.

(3) Manipulation of body odour alters men’s self-confidence and judgements of their visual attractiveness by women. Roberts, C., Lyndon, A., Roberts, J., Havlicek, J., Wright RL. Int J Cosmet Sci. Feb, 2009.

(4) Mechanisms underlying the self-talk–performance relationship: The effects of motivational self-talk on self-confidence and anxiety. Hatzigeorgiadis, A., Zourbanos, N., Mpoumpaki, S., Theodorakis, Y. Psychology of Sport and Exercise. Volume 10, Issue 1, January 2009

(5) “The Clothing Makes the Self” Via Knowledge Activation. Hannover, B., Kühnen, U. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 31 Jul, 2006.

COPYRIGHT © 2014 GO ACTIVE SINGLES. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Liya Panayotova
Counseling Psychologist
Psychology Writer

 

 

The Truth about Positivity

By Liya P

 

How often have you heard the “stay positive” advice? If you are like most people, then you have probably been given those words of wisdom more times that you can count! In fact, the repetitiveness of positivity slogans has made them a bit trivial and clichéd, which is why an increasing number of people are starting to view positivity as something better suited to cult-like groups with unrealistic expectations of life, rather than a mindset that can help anyone achieve a happier life. Even though the overexposure of positivity might have given you a somewhat dubious impression of this concept, you should know that there is a lot of scientifically proven truth behind the “stay positive” mantra.

The Basics of Positivity

Before we begin unravelling the real facts behind positivity, we should consider what the term entails. All that stands behind positivity is the tendency of viewing the world, yourself and the events that surround you as positive, rather than negative. However, this certainly does not mean that every single thing that happens in your life should be examined as positive – that is just as unhealthy and unrealistic as constantly staying focused on the direst parts of life. So what would a positive person do when going through a negative event? Acknowledge and respect his or her emotions, allow for time to heal and focus on his or her own capabilities, as well as power to deal with the situation in a healthy manner. It is very important to remember that positivity is not an empty shell – a packaging that allows you to shove sadness or vulnerability into a corner. On the contrary – positivity is all about acknowledging the difficult parts of life, all the while choosing to focus on what is realistically positive.

The Effects of Positivity vs. Negativity

We have all heard that it is good to stay positive and bad to be negative, but why is that? First of all, it is important to focus on the fact that all the processes in your mind influence each other, and gradually build your overall attitudes towards life, yourself and others. Often there are thoughts and emotions you may not realize, because they are part of the subconscious mind, but they still affect the way your think and behave. In that regard, when considering the impact of positivity vs. negativity, we should always keep in mind that these relate to your overall outlook and influence all aspects of your life, from personal wellbeing to career motivation and love.

The relationship between positivity/negativity and happiness can seem like a vicious circle dynamic – the more negative you are, the less you experience happiness but then again, if you are not happy, how can you be positive! The truth is that you can escape this pattern of unhappiness, but before we focus on that, let’s discuss the benefits of optimism. Positive thoughts have been associated with general wellbeing and happiness for centuries, but the physical aspect of it has been examined more recently. A study published in the Annuary of Clinical and Health Psychology, carried out in the University of Madrid, Spain has looked into this relationship. (1) The researchers have found that optimistic people have stronger immune systems because their bodies have better immunocompetence responses. This means that when your immune system is attacked, by something that is as mild as the common flu or even as concerning as cancer, your body will activate more mechanisms to fight off the illness faster and more effectively if you have more positive thoughts. The same study also demonstrates that positive affect leads to a better functioning of the cardiovascular system and, as you know, the cardiovascular system is a large part of healthy functioning.

As we already mentioned, a generally negative outlook on life can prevent you from experiencing as much happiness, as people who tend to view life on the sunny side. But why does that happen? Well, a study from the September 2008 issue of the Journal of Integrative Neuroscience has come up with a conclusive answer (2). The researchers collaborated with a group of 270 healthy volunteers, ages 18-65 and compared two variables – a high positivity bias vs. a high negativity bias. Their results are certainly worth considering – the group of people who viewed life more negatively, reacted to events with more nervousness, hypersensitivity and fear, compared to the group with a more positive outlook. In addition, the negativity bias variable predicted thinking less before reacting to a situation. So how can that relate to your life? Well, as it turns out, if you can become an optimist, you will consider an event more carefully before reacting and will likely have a calm, centered, rational response. Think about who you would prefer to spend time with – someone who reacts to every little thing in panic, or an individual who can take some time to rethink the event and react positively.

Can You Fake It?

Now that you know about all the wonderful effects of positivity, what can you do about it? People often feel as though one is either born with the positive gene or the negative gene and nothing can be done about it. Thankfully, that is not the case. You can rewire you brain and retrain yourself to view the world in a brighter light! Yes, it does take efforts and no, it won’t happen in a day. Transforming your outlook from negative to positive is much like changing your inactive lifestyle to become an athlete. It may be challenging and will probably take some time and effort, but at the end it is all worth it because you will feel happier, healthier and much more attractive.

But what if you are not feeling so great right at this moment and would like to change that? Fake it! Smiling stimulates the brain’s reward system and even though that is mostly true when you are genuinely happy, you can also use this interesting effect to take yourself out of negative moods. Forcing a smile on your face when you are feeling down has the power to reduce negative affect, even if only slightly. In fact, smiling is so rewarding, that a recent UK study by Hewlett Packard found that it can be as stimulating as eating 2,000 chocolate bars or receiving large amounts of cash (3)!

However, do keep in mind that fake smiling is not a good long-term solution. While it can take you out of your negativity for the time being, fake smiling does not actually produce satisfaction and is not attractive to others. As you might remember, we mentioned the Duchenne smile, or a genuine smile, in the article “Social life, interests, passions”. Not only are our brains wired to recognize fake smiles and find them unappealing when seen in others, but as a study by the Michigan State University proves, fake smiling leads to lowered levels of happiness and social withdrawal when you are the one doing it (4). If you are in the habit of slapping a fake smile on your face while at work or a social event, please reconsider – this strategy is actually working against you!

How do I become more positive?

Luckily, if you are motivated, there are many techniques that can help you transform yourself into a charming optimist. Here is a list of the most popular choices:

– Visualization : Picture your happy place, an event you are eagerly expecting, or think about a loved one when you are feeling negative.

– Transform negative thoughts : Whenever you feel like you want to complain, sulk and get lost in negativity, write down your thoughts instead. Then, examine each thought one by one and ask yourself if they are rational. Do you have any proof or are you just being negative? Once you have done that, try writing down more positive and realistic substitutions for those negative thoughts.

– Meditation : The practice of meditation, even for several minutes per day, has been proven to balance out your central nervous system, reduce stress and increase positivity.

– Acknowledgment : Try deliberately focusing on the positive in your life. Challenge yourself to recording at least one thing per day that made you happy and soon you will see the results!

Positivity and negativity can be great forces in your life and while it may sometimes feel like your mood is controlling you, now you know it is quite the opposite – you have the power to build your own positivity from the ground up!

 

(1) “Psychological well-being and health. Contributions of positive psychology”. Vázquez, C., Hervás, H., Rahona, J., Gómez, D. School of Psychology Complutense University, Madrid, Spain. Clinical and Health Psychology, 5 (2009) 15-27

(2) “An Integrative Neuroscience Platform : Application to Profiles of Negativity and Positivity Bias”. Gordon, E., Barnett, K., Cooper, N., Tran, N., Williams, L. J. Integr. Neurosci. 07, 345 (2008).

(3) Link: http://www.scotsman.com/news/health/one-smile-can-make-you-feel-a-million-dollars-1-738272

(4) Link: http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2011-02/msu-sfa022211.php

 

COPYRIGHT © 2014 GO ACTIVE SINGLES. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
 

Social life, interests, passions

By Liya P

Romantic relationships can sometimes seem like an utterly complicated maze, the way through which you can never quite figure out. While romance is not always straightforward, things don’t have to be that complicated either. To make it easier on yourself, become more self-confident and attractive, you should know how different aspects of your life influence your desirability and romantic prospects. You may be surprised to learn this, but social life, interests and passions are closely related to your romantic successes! The way you handle those aspects of life can influence your desirability by making a solid impression on others. Read on and find out how to use those components of life to your advantage!

– How social life relates to dating

Social life and romantic prospects have a seemingly obvious relationship. When you have an active social life, you are more likely to meet new, interesting people and thus are more likely to find a suitable new partner. Besides, high sociability levels mean you know an array of people with various interests, so you have more experience in diverse situations. Having entertaining stories to tell will likely make a good impression on potential partners and will therefore increase your chances of entering into a new, exciting relationship.

Of course not everyone can or should be the real-life definition of a social butterfly. While some need more social experiences and have a constant desire to be around people, others prefer spending some alone time and reflecting on their inner world. Neither characteristic is better than the other – the two behavioral styles are simply different! Remember, belonging to one group or the other does not mean you have better or worse chances for successful romantic partnerships! Still, even if you don’t enjoy socializing that much or don’t have that many friends, that does not mean you should not be friendly when meeting someone new. Coming across as positive, upbeat and easy going is a sure way to earn lots of points with any potential partner or new friend! A big smile is always a fantastic way to show the world that you are open to new experiences and relationships. Besides, people who smile often are more memorable and are viewed as more pleasant to be around. However, there is one more very significant aspect of smiling – for a smile to work its charm on others, it has to be genuine, or also called a Duchenne smile, in honor of the scientist who made the distinction between the types of smiling.

Research conducted in the University of Wisconsin examined the smiles of participants upon watching two short movies. The researchers found that when the subjects viewed footage of genuine smiling, they mimicked the action. On top of that, the regions of the brain commonly associated with positive affect fired up! This means that when we see someone smiling genuinely, we reciprocate and experience pleasure. In that regard, smiling and behaving in a positive manner in social situations can make you more desirable and attractive to others, thus enabling you to find new partners with ease!

– Interests and romance

Having interests obviously makes you more fun and attractive to others. After all, who would not want to spend time with someone exciting that has unique hobbies and has lived through exciting experiences? Mastering rare skills can help you stand out from the crowd and create an instantaneous positive impression on the people you meet. Besides, hobbies can open up your world to many fascinating areas of life you never even thought possible! For instance, imagine you decided to learn a new language. Once you were able to carry a simple conversation in that language, you would already have a key in your hand that opens up an exciting new door to travel and world exploration! Now that you know another language you are able to meet new people from different cultures and experience more interesting events. If you don’t have a particular interest in languages – don’t worry! This principle can easily be applied to any hobby.

Apart from making you more distinguishable and pleasant to be around, intersects have another great function – they help you meet suitable partners, with similar likes and dislikes. While many believe that “opposites attracts”, and are probably occasionally right, a number of studies show that the more similarities two people have, the more attracted they are to each other. The University of Manitoba has come up with a collective research paper on 3 previous studies examining the relationship of partner similarities and romantic success. All 3 studies indicate that stable, quality relationships are usually characterized by similarities of values, beliefs and interests between the partners. That does not mean that you will feel best with someone who is just like you. In fact, that would probably be rather boring, but finding a partner with whom you share an interest can propel your relationship.

Last but not least, numerous studies indicate that long-term relationships are happier and more successful when the two partners are able to bond over a common hobby or interest. This is because you are able to connect with your partner and step out of mundane concerns. Sharing a hobby or interest can also increase the romance level in a relationship and help the partners achieve stronger appreciation for each other.

– Passions make you attractive!

Being passionate about something, even if it seems completely silly, can in fact make you far more attractive and desirable! Much like interests, passions have a positive impact on your experience of life and open you up to fascinating new worlds. Though passions and hobbies can do many similar things for you and your attractiveness, passions are much stronger and therefore can influence your behavior and personality much more. Being passionate about something can excite a potential partner as it reveals your fiery, driven side. Don’t be afraid to express excitement about your passions even if they seem utterly unusual – sure, someone might think they are silly, but if you keep them hidden away then you are denying potential partners access to an intriguing and unique side of yourself!

Being friendly and taking the time to cater to your interests and passions can make a huge difference in your love life! Remember though – it is important to stay genuine, otherwise the new people you meet will quickly spot your dishonesty and will likely be put off. A genuine smile and a unique interest will certainly help you stand out from the crowd!

Work and career

By Liya P

Being attractive and datable may not seem directly related to your work and career, but in fact studies show that there is a significant correlation between the two. We are not talking about the gold digger complex where what you do for a living makes you appealing to others because of the money you make. While money is certainly an important aspect of life, your work or better yet – your career, can be significant on a much deeper level. It can have a profound effect on your personality, happiness and attractiveness. We are here to help you recognize all the great ways in which what you do professionally can influence your personal life in a positive, inspiring way. You will certainly change your outlook on work after reading this!

– Does it matter what you do?

What do you think – does it matter what you do for a living? The short answer is no. Whether you are engaged in strenuous manual labor at lower wages or a high-pressure intellectual job with very high income, has little to no impact on your happiness or attractiveness levels. Even though people tend to think that higher level, prestigious positions bring happiness and general wellbeing, that is not necessarily so. As it turns out, it doesn’t really matter what you do for a living, as long as you enjoy it and feel satisfied with your work. A study, carried out in the Warsaw Institute of Psychology, has examined the relationship between professional life and personal happiness. Their results show a few factors that determine your overall work satisfaction – the results you are able to achieve, physical conditions of your workplace, assessment and professional relationships, receiving challenging and engaging tasks. The study has confirmed that people who find all of the above factors satisfactory are happier at work, despite of their specific employment situation. So, you can be a janitor or a large company CEO – as long as you feel interested and engaged in your work you will feel happy. And, of course, happiness makes you more attractive to others! Picture dating someone who enjoys his or her work and is delighted to be engaged in it. Inspiring, isn’t it? Now imagine being with someone who constantly complains of how stressful and horrible their job is. Definitely not as fun to be around.

– How your career satisfaction can influence your partner

While loving what you do professionally is something that most strive towards, you may not know that your work happiness can literally spill over to your partner, immediately making you more desirable! A study of 50 dual-earner couples has examined the relationship between career satisfaction and happiness levels within the romantic couple. The subjects filled a booklet on a daily basis, which led the researchers to a very intriguing conclusion. As it turns out, employees who were happy and engaged with their daily professional tasks were also happier at home. When one partner felt happy, this literally spilled over to the other partner, increasing his or her happiness levels as well. The researchers found that those couples, in which both partners were satisfied with their careers, had the most fulfilling relationships!

– Your career satisfaction makes you more desirable!

Experiencing work/career satisfaction can have a great impact on your confidence and self-esteem. People who feel that their job matters are more motivated to achieve better results and thus feel prouder when they reach higher goals. This goal-oriented behavior inevitably influences your confidence in a very positive way. Consequently, you become more attractive, as you exude confidence, thus reassuring any potential partner of your desirability. But remember – confident does not mean cocky. A down-to-earth approach to life, paired with believing in yourself, can really make a difference for the better in your love life!

A study published in the “Journal of Marriage and Family” examined the relationship between personal values and romantic life. The study was conducted over an impressive 50 year period and included participants of various age groups. One of the conclusions they reached was in regard to the career– attractiveness ratio. The researchers found a tendency – people are increasingly prone to choosing partners that are more motivated to establish a career and are satisfied with their work on a daily basis. Those individuals tend to exhibit higher self-esteem levels, which has apparently become an increasingly attractive feature in the last 50 years.

– The other side of the coin

Although work/career satisfaction and engagement can certainly contribute to your general happiness, attractiveness and relationship fulfillment, caution should be applied. Prioritizing professional obligations over personal ones can sabotage your relationship and make you unavailable to potential romantic partners. A 7 year follow-up study of MBA students has found that those who gave priority to family and personal goals, as opposed to work goals, reached a much higher levels of general well-being. This may seem contradictory to what we talked about above, but in fact it indicatesa need for balance. While it is crucial to choose a job that makes you feel happy and challenges you in positive ways, it is also extremely important to remember that no amount of work or money can be a substitute for personal relationships. By overworking you may be sacrificing time with your loved ones or decreasing your chances of meeting a suitable partner.

– Being happy actually makes you better at your job!

To end on a happy note, we’d like to talk about one last benefit of finding balance between your work and personal life. As you already know, career satisfaction could help you achieve a more fulfilling romantic relationship, as well as increase your attractiveness levels. Various studies indicate that people who feel an overall sense of well-being are able to better concentrate on their work obligations and achieve bigger goals. A general state of life satisfaction will also make you more upbeat and pleasant to be around, which means establishing more positive relationships with your coworkers.

Finding a career that is right for your can increase your personal happiness, while personal happiness makes you more satisfied and better at your job! Achieving this virtuous circle may require some changes in your life, but the results would certainly be worth the efforts!

Perfume and Attraction

By Sylwia Koricka

The main criticism of online dating is its superficial nature. Both men and women will mainly focus on physical attractiveness and judge the rest of the profile accordingly. In other words, if you are attractive, collecting stamps will be much more interesting if you do it rather than someone less physically appealing.

However, is it that simple? If so, why do we sometimes go on a date with somebody gorgeous and within minutes, if not seconds, we realize there is no ‘sparkle’ and definitely no future with the beautiful creature sitting at the other side of the table?

The answer lies in how Mother Nature equipped us with compatibility detectors, existence of which we usually have no clue of! It is true that physical attractiveness, reflected in such dimensions as body proportions or facial symmetry, is a rather effective predictor of good physical health and therefore, suitability for forming partnership. Yet, there are also other dimensions to attractiveness going way beyond beauty or personality; it is your smell.

Research in neuroscience shows that women have superior sense to smell, which is reflected in the fact that women are heavily affected by how men smell. And although men rely more on visual characteristics, it has been shown that men with no sense of smell (asomia) have lesser sexual relationships than their healthy counterparts.

That’s right. Our bodies talk on our behalf using language of aromas and decide for us whether we like someone or not. If you use a pleasant perfume people around you will react to you in a more positive way and that is important for social interactions. In sphere of intimate relationships what is crucial is your natural body odour and pheromones. We still know little on the role of pheromones and whether spraying yourself with pheromones will make your date crazy about you, we know that natural body odour is what counts.

Again, women are more sensitive to detecting appropriate life partners, yet it has to be mentioned that this is not true of women using contraceptive pill. The pill changes hormonal environment that allows for the proper detection of suitable partners. So, if you are thinking about marrying “the one”, get off the pill for a while just in to be sure your eyes and your nose are on the same page.

If you feel insanely attracted to another person and find the smell intoxicating- congratulations, you have just found a perfectly compatible mate that will provide your children with strong immune system. It turns out that we can “smell” so called MHC-genes that relate to immune system and we are attracted to people that have very different MHC-genes. This mix of genes creates a super combo against pathogens, making your prospective kids very lucky.

The attraction ruled by sense of smell explains not only why physically attractive individual looses all the charm once met, but also why a person that we had found vaguely attractive on a picture can suddenly change into the target of our desires. Should you be worried? Of course not! Meet and get to know all kinds of people and your nose will do the rest for you!

 

Are you dating Pinocchio?

By Sylwia Koricka

Dating a liar is definitely one of the worst experiences you may encounter in your search for a meaningful relationship. Because it is so hard to tell whether a person is lying or not you may fall for an idealized version of whomever you were unfortunate enough to meet. Also, because it takes so much time to uncover the lies it robs you of your precious time you could have spent with a person worthy of your company.

If you ever been lied to and had no clue, don’t be too harsh on yourself; even trained investigators cannot always tell whether a person is lying, with 30% of the time being fooled by the deceiver. What is more, it is proven that people who lie often are much better in detecting deceptive cues. Therefore, don’t think of yourself as a blind or a naive person; you most probably are just too honest to expect deception from others and not experienced enough in detecting it.

To avoid future heartache we present you with a list of red flags you should be aware of when dating someone you haven’t had the chance to fully get to know. Large body of research in psychology has found that there are few nonverbal signals of dishonesty, such as:

  1. Too many oh and ahs

Honesty may sometimes be difficult emotionally, but dishonesty is definitely difficult cognitively; liars need more time to construct a convincing story, so they speak slowly and may try to buy their time with interjection of verbal distortions, such as oh or ah. Yet, if this is the only sign you discover, keep in mind that it may also be a signal of nervousness associated with first dates.

  1. Sitting stiffly

Have you ever noticed how people can suddenly freeze when trying to resolve complex issue, solve a math problem or remember where they had left their keys? Because liars have to focus so much on what they are saying they will display similar behaviour allowing you to notice that he/she is focusing a bit too much on conversation that is supposed to be casual and fun.

  1. Higher pitched voice

Psychologists associate raising pitch of your voice with nervousness. Of course, everyone may get anxious when asked about a sensitive topic, however if you suddenly hear your partner changing his voice when telling you what he had done the night before, it may be a sign of him lying.

  1. Too excited

We are not talking about butterflies in stomach that come with a big smile and sparkly eyes… Arousal that should raise your suspicions comes out of fear reflected in physiological cues, such as higher blood pressure, increased heart rate and respiration. Nobody wants to be caught lying that’s why liars are self-aware which may cause them to feel anxious. In the beginning of dating, when you keep physical distance, these cues are difficult to spot, however it is worth remembering them for the later stages of your relationship.

Both men and women alike may lie about themselves to seem more appealing to their date. This may seem innocent at first, yet the more people date and discover what is desirable, the more may they alter how they represent themselves to others and how comfortable with these misrepresentations they will be. The longer history of distorting the truth your partner has, the more difficult it is find out who are you truly dealing with. Yet, keep in mind that pathological liars are an exception to the rule, so don’t use this information to eliminate any prospective partner only because he/she was nervous! These tips on detecting dishonesty may help you understand how a liar’s mind works which will improve your lie detection abilities and protect you from getting involved with someone who doesn’t deserve your trust.

Perfect body= perfect dating?

By Sylwia Koricka

Taking on responsibility for your body’s fitness is extremely important not only for your own mental and physical health, but also it may play a significant role in your personal life. There is a number of reasons for it. You may not realize that, but it is not only the muscles you are building; you are boosting your immune system, improving your mood thanks to release of endorphins (“happiness hormones”) after exercising and you are building up your confidence (yes, it is you who looks so good in the mirror and it is you who has accomplished the set goals with nothing but self-discipline and hard work). You should be proud of yourself!

Yet, how does it help you in dating? Of course, confidence and self-fulfilment coming out of regular exercising are significant factors; who wouldn’t like to date a positive and self-assured individual? However, let’s talk physical attractiveness. After all, you lost all this excess fat, toned your body, never looked better in your life… how much does it really matter in dating?

The truth is attractiveness is a very complex issue. Still, in absence of any significant knowledge on the prospective date, physical appearance is what we all pay most attention to; physical appearance gives us clues on whether the person in question would make a good mate from evolutionary perspective. For instance, hour-glass body type in females signals fertility, while high chest-to-waist ratio in men signals dominance- crucial traits for our ancestors. How does it translate in minds of modern men and women?

Recent research in evolutionary psychology confirms the importance of body fitness and muscularity in perceived attractiveness for both sexes. Moderately muscular and lean men are seen as more desirable, potentially because of the subconscious perception of their strength and their ability to protect loved ones. If you are looking for a stable relationship, no worries; as research indicates, highly muscular men are thought of as being volatile, unable to commit and thus, only appropriate for a short term relationship. This is why women seem to be more accepting of different body types when searching for a long-term partner.

Similarly, for men bodily attractiveness is very important in the initial stages of a romantic relationship. There seem to be more balance between the importance of facial and body attractiveness in case men are considering committing to somebody for a longer period of time.

So what does it all mean? Naturally, maintaining your fitness comes with multifaceted benefits that are highly rewarding. Also, if you are looking for your one and only, it is your personality, chemistry and general compatibility with the person that decides on the success of your personal relationship. Yet, it is undeniable that with your positive attitude, unbounded energy and striking physique you are in the lead in the race for scoring the hottest dates!

We also wrote another article called HOW BEING ACTIVE HELPS YOUR PERSONAL & DATING SUCCESS which may shed some more light on the subject.

The Importance of Dating Around  

By Singles Events

 

In the words of Billie Holiday, “A kiss that is never tasted is forever and ever wasted.” With the hot thrills of dating, you’ll often crave to sample all the treats. This is not to say that you should gobble every desert on the table! Rather, you should select a variety of delights that interest you, and take the time to indulge in the individual flavors. When you discover a type that you genuinely like, you can then invest your time into nurturing that match.

When you date around, you get a valuable opportunity to understand more what you want and learn about your personal identity as a mate. Now you might be thinking, “wait a sec— Isn’t it sleazy to date multiple people at once?” Absolutely not!

There is definitely a stigma attached to dating multiple people because it’s often advised to focus on one individual at a time. Well, this is not necessarily a better approach. Firstly, you cannot always be certain that the person with whom you have decided to invest all your efforts is on the same page. As a result, you may be pursuing someone who is intent on blasting through her options instead of nesting with you. And that’s fine—many people prefer to browse without being a buyer. The only caution to exercise is knowing when to quit and to notice if the dates are about their needs than yours. If this is the case, you need to devise a smarter dating game plan. This means developing a more relaxed and flexible dating style that also allows you to exercise your options as well, instead of sacrificing your emotions all at once.

 

Now let’s look at the amazing benefits of experiencing many people at once.

 

Self discovery

By casually dating a few people, you’ll welcome more opportunities for self-discovery. During this process, you can date around and develop a stronger sense of what you like rather than rolling-over-backwards to be the right one for someone else. You can also learn to value yourself as a desirable and experienced dater. The bottom line is that you need to see the dating process as your opportunity to discover your needs and wants, and focus less on becoming what other people want. The more you learn about your personal dating goals and desires, the more confident you will become later on when choosing a potential mate.

 

Desirability

Dating around will also help you appear more desirable to others. This is because the best way to sell yourself as a great catch is to act like one. So, if you want to be alluring to your dates, you should give the impression that you’re already leading a fulfilling life. Whether this means you’re occupied with some glamorous job or other dates, it does not really matter—just appear busy. While you may or may not actually have these diversions, you should always create the appearance of having them. You can create this illusion by pretending to have plans on certain days of the week or taking some time between text messages ( 20-30 minutes is reasonable). While this may seem silly, people who have successful and dynamic lives will usually be too distracted to respond immediately or always be ready for plans. Overall, this active image makes you more compelling and desirable to the opposite sex.

 

Sociability

The last reason you should date around is quite simple: you can make new friends. Throughout your journey to find romance, you’ll see that not everyone clicks with you. Sometimes it can be nice to preserve friendships with these people because you can still share interests and experiences, inviting more happiness into your life. You should also remember that dates do not always have to be about sexual chemistry. Once in a while, it can just simply be fun to go out and enjoy drinks and solid conversation. Cheers!

 

With all these positive forces at work, there is no reason you should shy away from dating multiple people at once. Of course, when you meet that special one, you can consider slowing things down, but in the meantime, you need to explore. So, lay back and enjoy dating and all the great perks it has to offer! Dating around and scoping out different prospects create new and fresh experiences and we can use these moments to grow and learn more about ourselves as we muddle through the modern dating scene. Good luck and all the best!

Punching Above your Weight

By Singles Events

 

The issue of desirability with online dating can always be a tricky and sometimes awkward conversation. With the pressure to stand out among the masses of profiles, people will often lie on their profile to appear more attractive. This online misconduct can include sprucing-up a physical description or digitally enhancing a display picture with all those fancy mobile filters—all done with the intention of being contacted more. This is just wrong, deceiving and completely pointless! The harsh truth is that lying will not improve your chances of finding a relationship and will ultimately just waste the time and energy of the person who was tricked into pursuing you… Yes, tricked!

 

Some people believe a lie can be developed with “good intentions” because they are hoping their date will look past a few exaggerated details to see how great and special they are. Wrong! Newsflash– this is not reality—attraction matters and so does lying. So, not only will your date be annoyed, he or she will also be completely creeped-out!

 

With this in mind, what’s the point of enhancing your profile to get more dates if you’re not genuinely attractive to these people in the first place? If these people are pursuing you based on an initial attraction that isn’t real, the date will likely be short-lived or just plain awkward. Many people report instances where they went on a date through an online dating site, and discovered that that their date lied about height or body type—apparently 5’7 can mean 5’2!? While these accounts seem shallow and harsh, the ugly truth is that you cannot charm someone into liking you after deceiving them online. Not only will they be turned off by your blatant dishonesty, they will also place less trust and credibility into online dating, essentially ruining the whole process for everyone else.

 

So, instead of presenting yourself differently on your dating profile, you should try to understand why you might feel tempted to do this. If you feel pressured to bend the truth, you might have to start questioning whether you’re implementing all the right strategies to make yourself attractive in real life. Perhaps there are some changes that must be made, so you can feel more confident about your personal attractiveness. This is not to say that you need to fit a cliché or standard of desirability. However, you may want to consider improving some of your assets to make yourself feel like a stronger candidate for online dating.

Ultimately, you want someone to pursue you, while knowing you were being your true self. This way, you’ll know that the attraction is mutual and the whole process is clean-cut and truthful. After all, the most promising start to a relationship is when the first date begins with honesty and nothing less.

Why you Should Never Settle for Unfulfilling Relationships

By Singles Events

Growing up with romantic comedies and soap operas sets a high standard for relationships these days and most people end up feeling that their own experiences are somehow unfulfilling. But there’s another side to that story that you really need to be aware of.

Are you happy in your relationship?

The one thing that romantic movies do get right is the fact you should feel happy with your significant other. You need to be honest and ask yourself if what you’re getting from your relationship is truly worth the effort you put in every day.

Sometimes things just don’t work out and being brave enough to call it quits at the right time will save you a whole lot of grief.

Is your Relationship Beyond Salvation?

Fighting for your relationship is absolutely necessary, but what you need to figure out is if you have already tried to save it one too many times already.

Even if both partners give it their best shot, some relationships just don’t feel right and finding the cause might be an intricate matter. It could come down to something as uncontrollable as timing, so don’t ever expect to find one single guilty party.

As sad as it might be to realize that your relationship is beyond salvation, it has the potential of making you figure out what you need to do next.

What are you missing?

As difficult as it might seem, you need to remember how you were like before you got into this relationship. Looking at some old pictures might jolt your memory and help you understand what made you happy and what you used to think was fun.

You can even take a trip with your friends, to revisit some of those things. Give yourself time. Finally, you need to think whether or not these were those things that you’ve been missing and if your partner was what has been holding you back from doing them all this time.

Do You Fear Loneliness?

You shouldn’t settle for an unfulfilling relationship just because you’re afraid of being alone. Realizing that this is the main reason why you are still in a relationship should be a wake-up call. You need to work out the courage to put an end to your misery and that of your partner.

Sadly, this is actually the main reason why people choose to stay together even when they know that things are not working out as they should be.

Being single doesn’t necessarily mean being alone. I know, I know, breaking up after several years of ‘couple life’ can be gut wrenching, but so is being unhappy in your relationship. The good news is that the sadness goes away after a while and it will give you so much room to grow.

Finding another partner after losing a long time sweetheart seems almost impossible, but it actually isn’t. Your next relationship is just around the corner and it will sweep you off your feet when you least expect it.

Even if it takes a while to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right, don’t lose hope, settle or give into peer pressure. There is someone out there for you. If you’re reluctant to jump back to normal dating you can also experiment with online dating for a while. Good luck!

 

Useful Do’s and Don’ts for a Perfect Online Dating Profile

By Singles Events

When it comes to online dating, creating a dazzling online persona is absolutely crucial. No matter how great you are offline, you need to be amazing online to make a difference in the digital world. So, here are a few tips and tricks to make your perfect profil!

DON’T : Use overly Photoshopped pictures of yourself

Online dating gives you the opportunity to focus on your strong suites and delicately conceal your flaws. But while embellishing a bit here and there is entirely acceptable, you should never hide behind convenient lies, because the truth has a nasty habit of coming out when you least expect it.

The best possible example for these “convenient lies” we get wrapped up in is using overly edited pictures of ourselves on the dating profile. This is a bad idea because it might make you appeal to the wrong crowd and even if all goes well and you get to go on a date with you cyber crush, he/she might be disappointed that you are not who you promised to be.

DO: Use your best (recent) pictures

If you’re building your online dating profile and you realize that you’re out of good pictures of yourself, don’t panic! As tempting as it might be, don’t open that folder from five years ago when you were 10 pounds slimmer. That’s almost like Catfishing and you know it!

Instead, you can try taking some brand new photos. You can even make a night out of it! Call some friends over and put on your favorite dress. Get your hair done, put on makeup and snap away until you get that perfect profile picture!

DON’T: Use steamy pictures of yourself (unless you’re looking to hookup)

People who use pictures of themselves in their bathing suits or lingerie for their online dating profiles send out a very clear message. They need to be aware of that, so that they know what to expect.

If what you’re looking to get from online dating is a hot fling, then this might be one way of doing it, but bear in mind that some things should be left to the imagination.

DO: Use pictures that you are comfortable with

If some of your most flattering pictures make you cringe, that is a sign that you should probably not upload them to your online dating profile. Being comfortable with the pictures you put up is a minimum requirement.

Make a selection of the best pictures of yourself and choose those that you really like and that express your personality.

DON’T: Be vague or overly professional

Writing that perfect online dating profile is hard work, so you need to wait until you actually feel inspired to complete it. You don’t want one of those profile that has pictures and almost no written information, because there are people out there who are struggling to get to know you.

Focus on your hobbies and interests, rather than your professional background. While your job is definitely something you should mention, try to make it more about yourself, your wishes and desires, rather than your career.

DO: Be sincere and have fun with it

Building an online dating profile might prove to be even more complicated than writing you resume. Don’t over think the information you put into it because it’s going to end up sounding weird.

Instead, try to write your profile when you’re in a good mood, so that you can transmit that through your words. Make it easy to read, rather than overly complicated, and have fun with it!

Image Sources: 1, 2

 

Online Dating After 30

By Singles Events

Once you blow your 30 perfectly-arranged candles, you cease to be a ‘twenty-something year-old’ and enter a completely new stage of your life. Things like crazy parties, hooking up with unknown dudes (or dudettes) and taking three shots of tequila one after the other suddenly sound less appealing. Your mind is puzzled by important questions related to marriage, career fulfilment and kids.

“There’s this really unique thing that happens in your thirties. You really begin refining and enriching your life, and gaining career traction so you are where you want to be in your forties.” – Psychologist Kristen Carpenter, PhD

That sounds great, doctor Kristen, but what am I supposed to do if I’m still single? Dating in your thirties is hard. Heck, even when I was in my twenties dating felt uncomfortable and awkward. Nevertheless, I keep coming back to my Tinder and online dating profiles because the idea of growing old with three cat companions just isn’t my kind of happily ever after. When you’re in your 30s, the rules and expectations of dating are completely different, so if you want to get back into the game, here’s my advice:

1. Own Up to Yourself

You have been on this planet for over thirty years. You don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not anymore. You are who you are, and that’s it. If you feel like embellishing your profile or presenting yourself as something you’re not, please don’t. This façade will crack into a million pieces sooner or later. One of the things I love most about being in my thirties is the fact that saying no to the things I don’t like has become so much easier.

2. Bluntness is King

When you’re in your twenties, it’s all about the game, but once you hit the thirties mark, you no longer have time for trivialities. Want to go out with that guy? Want to send her a text right after the date? Want to stop seeing that chick? Stop beating around the bush. Just say it.

3. Don’t Hold out for Perfection

After having waited so long for that perfect someone you’re can’t just settle, right? Wrong. If you’ve been on the prowl for Mr. (or Mrs.) right for more than ten years, but haven’t find him/her yet, well, that’s because he/she doesn’t exist.

“You’re not perfect, sport. And let me save you the suspense. This girl you met, she isn’t perfect either. But the question is whether or not you’re perfect for each-other. That’s what intimacy is all about.” – Robin Williams, Good Will Hunting

Compromising isn’t the same as settling, but as you will probably find out sooner or later, you have to let some frivolous things go if you really want make a relationship work.

4. Shut up Already

I went on a date with a Tinder guy recently. My God, he wouldn’t stop talking. He basically shared his whole life story with me in less than an hour. If you’re the type of person who overshares, you need to stop. Don’t talk about marriage and children from the first date. People need to earn the privilege of hearing your story. Listening has become some sort of lost art that very few people can master. If you want a meaningful relationship listen more than you talk, be genuine and humble.

5. Quickly Ditch the Dead-Ends

I’m pretty sure you’ve met your fair share of people who have been archived in the ‘Never-Again’ or ‘What Was I Thinking?’ folders of your mind. You know what you want from a partner and you don’t have the time to fix someone else’s daddy issues. That’s perfectly fine. The last thing you need in your life right now is a toxic relationship.

You can definitely find love after 30, but you need to set clearer boundaries, be honest to yourself and redefine your priorities. Hopefully my advice will help.

The Ultimate Guide to Breaking up with Heartbreak

By Singles Events

The devastating pain of a failed relationship is, without a doubt, one of the greatest suffering that your heart will ever have to bear. There’s nothing pleasant or comforting in having to break up with someone. The entire ordeal is even worse if you’re the one getting dumped. But despite the mind-numbing pain, there is a bitter-sweet happiness in breaking up: the fact that you were able to feel so intensely about someone.

As someone once said, ‘to really live is to die’, and when all is said and done, you have to pick up the pieces of your broken heart and move on with your life. The following tips will help you break up with heartbreak once and for all, and prepare for the next relationship.

1. Embrace the Pain

If you love enough, you will suffer. This is the unavoidable truth. Nobody will be able to understand or alleviate your pain. When you lose someone dear it’s important that you feel bad about it, as it is an essential step to healing. There’s nothing wrong in crying.

As a matter of fact, very few people can get over a break-up without shedding tears, and bottling up your feelings will only make things more difficult. Give yourself time, but be careful to not get trapped in the vicious cycle of painful memories. If you do, you must break it. This leads us to advice number 2.

2. Make a Change (Or Several Changes)

The memories of your past relationship are haunting your present. Your unconscious mind triggers pain every time you relive something from your relationship (example: hearing your favourite tune on the radio might remind you of him/her). In order to break this pattern you have to sever these connections. Take up a new hobby. Change your playlist. Move furniture around the house. These changes don’t have to be major or permanent. They’re meant to help you get over your pain.

3. Change your Mindset

If you’re finding it excruciatingly difficult to get over someone you might have to change your mindset. In other words, you have to change your definition of heartbreak. If it is making you feel lonely and hopeless, redefine your personal beliefs. Instead of viewing it as ‘the end of happiness’, think about it as an opportunity of finding someone more suitable for you, or becoming a better person. Being able to see your situation with a different frame will give you an incredible sense of freedom.

4. Fall out of Love & Stop Blaming Yourself

The fact that you are heartbroken means that you are still in love. To complete the healing process you have to detach yourself from your ex. You can fall out of love with a person by visualizing your bad experiences with him/her. Try to remember all the details of your happiest romantic experiences and look at them objectively.

It takes to people to break up, so stop blaming yourself for all the little things that went wrong. Where you so blinded by love that you didn’t notice ‘the bad’? Concentrate on this exercise methodically, and before you know it, your feelings of love, yearning and regret will be erased.

5. Understand that you Will Find Love Again

Many people believe that their ex is the only person they will ever love, or who could ever love them. Considering that there are over six billion people on the planet, this is highly unlikely. One of the best ways to break up with heartbreak is by visualizing a brighter tomorrow. Your new habits and a positive mindset will help you open the door to a new love.

As I final note, I would like to say that I don’t believe in such a thing as a ‘better half’. We are not halves to begin with. Every person is a unique and fascinating entity, and losing someone cannot change that. Positive reinforcement, self-love and self-acceptance are vital on your road to recovery.

Barriers to Love that Smart Women Unknowingly Create

By Singles Events

There are so many smart, ambitious, lovely, single females out there, who can’t find a partner despite their best efforts. Why is that? Many women will argue that men aren’t interested in having an intelligent, career-drive woman on their arm, because they feel threatened, or because it would be easier for them to settle for an obedient one. While this may be true, studies have shown that modern, educated individuals are extremely attracted to smart women. These men aren’t interested only in physical appearance. They crave intellectual engagement, interesting conversations and powerful bonds forged through mutual respect.

This can only mean one thing: smart women are sabotaging their relationships without knowing it. I am surrounded by incredible ladies who are still single, but after having taken a closer look at their past relationships I could only find one common factor: themselves. Instead of analysing what went wrong, they would immediately catalogue their ex-partners as ‘losers’. So instead of talking about how society is doing you wrong, I would like to share useful advice that will help you look at relationships differently and break down the barriers that you are unknowingly creating.

1. You Never Truly Believed that you are Beautiful

This is an age-old problem that most women face. For an unknown reason, women will believe any negative comment addressed to them, but never a positive one. So despite the fact those close to them will remind them time and time again that they are beautiful, they are forever haunted by the idea that they aren’t ‘good enough’.

  • ‘How can he say I’m beautiful when I have cellulite?’
  • ‘My nose is crooked’
  • ‘My thighs are too big’
  • ‘I’m not perfect, how can I be beautiful?’

The insatiable desire to become perfect – amplified to the verge of insanity in the case of ambitious women-, while also knowing that this is impossible, gave birth to an incredibly dangerous monster: insecurity. This monster feeds on the images of airbrushed models, Cosmopolitan cover girls, and unattainable beauty standards set by society. This damaging mentality makes women downplay their worth and settle for unfulfilling relationships.

How to fix this: The first thing you need to understand is that men are also battling insecurities, and that the terms beauty and imperfect aren’t mutually exclusive. Furthermore, you should stop comparing yourself to other women.

“Another woman’s beauty is not the absence of your own.”

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

If all women had the same type of beauty, would it still be called beauty? Just as we are attracted by different features in men, so are they fascinated with the various ‘imperfections’ that make up our being.

Smart women are also insecure when it comes to physical appearance, but they wear their intelligence as armour – thus, another wall is built. If you want to find love, you must first learn to love every fibre of your being (with all its scars and imperfections).

2. You Need to Stop Overthinking

All women are masters of overanalysing, but smart women have that extra brainpower that enables them to twist themselves into millions of little knots of doubt. Details that are screamingly obvious to you, will, more often than not, blow past your man like a Frisbee in a hurricane.

How to fix it: I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with analysing your romantic encounters, but drawing conclusions based on limited data or subtle hints, especially if you have a creative mind, can be very damaging to your relationship. Men may be superficial when it comes to physical appearance, but in all other aspects they are serious, so you should try to take them by their word instead of playing detective.

3. He’s Your Lover, not Your Rival

Intelligent women are, naturally, attracted to intelligent men. They want to engage in stimulating conversations, drink fine wines, and learn new things. Needless to say, men that she considers less intelligent will bore her to tears. However, once she begins a relationship with Mister Smarty-pants, the whole thing transforms into a competition. Before you know it, the one thing that made Mister Smarty-pants so attractive to her is causing a great deal of tension.

How to fix it: What smart women should understand is that love isn’t a contest, and intelligence isn’t the only redeeming quality of a man. Learn to appreciate Mister Smarty-pants for everything he has to offer and celebrate all the things you can learn from one-another.

4. Love Isn’t a Top Priority for You

Hell, it might not even be in your top 3. The idea of having a partner sounds charming, but there’s always a project or paper that needs to be completed before you can think about it. Love should never be an afterthought. Dating and romance require a great deal of effort and time, and anyone who has a meaningful relationship will tell you that it should be the most important part of your life.

How to fix it: You can’t expect prince charming to dash into your life and say ‘Oh, I found you!”, and even if this happens, you will never truly appreciate him unless you go through the trials and tribulations of unfulfilled relationships. Smart guys will immediately know where on your priority list they are, and they will NOT settle.

5. Don’t Underplay your Feminine Charms

Just because you’re smart doesn’t mean that you can’t be feminine. Men gravitate towards feminine behaviour or features (examples: your long hair, the nape of your neck, your sexuality, feminine curves, big eyes etc.). Take pleasure in your body and in everything that you do with it.

Also, you might not enjoy asking a man for help, but the need to protect is so deeply engrained into his being that he will feel completely useless if he believes that you don’t need him. He is fully aware that you are capable of running your own company or performing open heart surgery, but let him be the one to open doors for you, or give you massages. Be receptive, joyful, and compassionate. Love is a two-way street.

Emotional walls come from a legitimate place. They represent the sum of emotions and experiences that define our existence, and it can be very difficult to overcome them or to learn new ways. Give yourself time to change.

Avoiding Online Dating Disappointment

By Singles Events

Online dating can sometimes feel a bit daunting since you’ll never know 100% who you’re talking to or whether their profile is truly accurate. To help prevent these online dating blunders, this article will carefully guide you through this process, saving you time and energy. However, you should keep in mind that there are no quick magic tricks for successful online dating, but only some practical rules to help you find the right person.

1. Don’t put all your eggs into one basket

As the age-old saying goes, you should not invest all your attention into one person– at least not at the beginning. This does not imply that you should date ten different people at once. It also does not mean you should create a dozen dating profiles and select open relationship on your status. Yet, you should consider the possibility that the person who you’ve decided is going to get 100% of your attention might not feel the same way and could very well be juggling multiple dates. In fact, the chances of this occurrence are quite probably in the online dating scene since people can easily access several conversions at once. This is why it’s irresponsible to invest all your energy into one person before the relationship status is official. It’s important to stop and consider whether the other person shares your feelings before jumping forward.

2. Make sure you know the signs

Profile

Having a bad profile is like having a bad resume. Would you hire this person to spend time with them? It’s important to study people’s dating profiles and learn how to read between the lines! For example, if you see loads of spelling mistakes and vague content that is poorly written, you may question that person’s level of commitment to finding genuine love. Also, if you notice any negativity or complaints about the past, you can assume the person may be carrying baggage.

General

Another common sign that should steer you away is if the person is always online. Perhaps, you’ll want to ask yourself why they’re always online and how sincere their intentions are for dating. Quality online daters will usually log on briefly a couple times a day during the week and on weekends, they might not even log on. So, you can assume people who are chronically online may be juggling their options instead of seeking an authentic connection.

Photos

The photo can say a lot about the person’s approach to dating. For instance, a drunken blurry photo or topless beach photo may indicate that the person is not taking online dating seriously. Here are some other factors to watch out for:

1.Old photos that misrepresent the person’s current appearance. There are simple ways to check if this is the case. For instance, if they’re in a photo taken overseas, you can casually ask them when they were there last.

2. Photos that are cropped to reveal just the person’s head may indicate that they’re hiding something.

3. Strange angle selfie photos, especially ones taken from over the head and from an angle. This perspective can give a false impression of the person’s attractiveness.

Two step screen process

There is a simple two-step process for screening potential crazies or frauds. First, you can determine someone’s sanity by engaging in conversation before asking him or her on a date. Then, if you like what you’re learning about the person, you can politely ask if they have more photos: “Hey I was just wondering if you have any more photos? You’ve only got selfless haha”… Chances are if you ask nicely, they will agree! If they become angry or offended by the question, they may be hiding information. This will help you avoid people with fake profiles.

Important!

Watch out for people who get offended easily or are quick to become angry or judgmental, especially in a non-playful way. Remember that friends are meant to make us feel good about ourselves. So, if someone is making you feel uncomfortable, block this person fast!

 

3. Ignoring your intuition

Have you ever been on a date only to find out this person is nothing like you imagined? This is probably one the most common problems in online dating because it’s essentially dating in reverse, yes that’s right, online dating is dating in reverse. Usually, when you meet someone, you go on a date or a few, and then slowly start finding out if this person is right for you. However, when you’re dating online, you can talk for as long as a month, fall for the person’s personality and then realize that they’re not for you only after you’ve met them! The problem is that it’s too easy to create a false personality using online dating because users can carefully plan out their replies or Photoshop their pictures. This is why its better to arrange a Skype or phone call before meeting. Ultimately, the better your screening skills become, the better your dating experience will be and the less time you will wasted on sub-par dates. Plus, you can also consider the amount of money you’ll save because multiple dating can be expensive with drinks, transportation and time.

4.Taking it personally

Never lose sleep over an unsuccessful experience. If someone does not feel the same way, that issue is with them and not with you. The reality is that dating is not like buying a dog that loves us regardless– humans are far more complex. Also, the reasons for a failed effort can be endless: maybe they’ve met someone else, maybe you weren’t their match, or maybe you weren’t tall enough or short enough. Who knows? It doesn’t matter. What does matter is being the best possible person you can be, and spread positive energy to those you meet. In the end, if you keep taking everything personally, you’ll just feel frustrated and held back from growing through the dating process.

5. Not being prepared

Part of being a successful dater is being prepared. This means you must avoid ruts like falling into a slum, letting yourself go physically or not feeling stable when signing up for an online dating site. These types of behaviours will leave you feeling vulnerable. As mentioned in our first article, “ 5 steps for dating success”, we discussed personal development. You need to market yourself as a likeable person when entering the wild realm of online dating to fulfil your search for love. Yet, this does not mean you should avoid online dating, but rather you need to ne mentally and emotionally healthy before entering this experience.

6. Do not be “best friends” before you meet

When dating online, you should never jump into a crazy escapade of late night phone calls and constant texts right away. Sometimes when people leap at hyper-speed into the BFF territory, they become shocked and extremely disappointed when they realize they are no longer attracted. Now, there is nothing wrong with connecting with someone before you meet– who knows, it might turn out well. But, if you want to minimize disappointment, you must consider all possibilities. Ask your self, “what if?” and factor in the likelihood that it might not work out. You don’t want to waste your time on a relationship that will never move beyond a friendly partnership.